Either this has been you…
or you’ve sat next to someone on a plane who hates to fly.

They clench their jaw.
They scan the cabin.
They realize they’re scanning the cabin.
They grip the armrest.
They get embarrassed about gripping the armrest.
They grip it harder.

Last year, flying home from Sun Valley, I became that person on the flight from Boise to Boston.

We hit wild turbulence over the American Plains.
And I found myself white-knuckling it in the most literal sense.

The man next to me — a world-renowned doctor in his eighties — noticed.
His son, he told me, was a professor in Canada and one of the founders of 23 & Me.
Then he did something extraordinary.

He told me the story of his life. A riveting story that held my wrapt attention.

At some point I must have looked especially terrified, because he leaned over and said,
“Would you like me to sing to you?”

To my son’s shock, I turned to the Gentleman and said…

“Yes. I would.”

So over the roar of the engines and the storm clouds, this distinguished elderly doctor quietly began singing,
She’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes…

He explained it was rooted in old biblical hymns.
Then he asked if I’d like to hear a medieval poem in Gaelic.

Again, I said, “Yes, please.” When I wondered sadly why I had to leave the West and the Rockies, two of my favorite places in the World, I remembered that some people, like this man are specially grown in New England. Tweed pants and pastel plaid button down, sharply parted and perfectly groomed grey hair, he had reminded me to forget about me for a while and Connect.

By the time we landed, my grip had loosened.
My breathing had softened.
And when I apologized for my fear, he smiled and said:

“Please don’t apologize. It’s okay to be scared.”

I think about that moment often.

Because that’s what regulation looks like.
Not willpower.
Not pretending you’re fine.
Just one nervous system helping another feel safe.

Coming Around the Mountain

You’ve come this far.
You have your kids.
You have your marriage.
Maybe you have a business, a career, a life that looks on paper like something you should feel proud of.

And yet…
something shifted.

The things you used to manage without thinking now feel like mountains.
Your brain feels foggy.
Your nervous system feels constantly on edge.
You worry about everything — the tiny things, the big things, all of it.
You’re so anxious that you can’t seem to sit still and get anything done…
but your life requires movement all day long.

So you push harder.
You grip tighter.
You try to white-knuckle your way through.

But your body won’t cooperate anymore.

And that’s not because you’re weak.
It’s because your nervous system is telling you the truth:

You’ve had enough.

This moment isn’t a breakdown.
It’s a message.
Your system is asking you to pause, to take stock, to retreat just enough to understand what’s happening inside you — because you don’t have to live like this.

Relief is possible.
Ease is possible.
Support is possible.

There are many paths forward.
Some women use medication in partnership with a physician and therapist.
Some don’t.
There is no moral hierarchy here.

But if you’re overwhelmed by the tiniest of things, it’s rarely because you “can’t handle life.”
It’s because your brain is carrying too much — and it needs scaffolding.

When you were younger, before the kids and the family and the aging parents and the college applications and the endless logistics of middle-aged motherhood, you had something powerful working in your favor:

You only had to protect yourself.

Most high-capacity women don’t realize how much invisible structure they once had.

You exercised almost every day.
You ate a cleaner, simpler diet — or ordered food that worked for you.
You protected your sleep without negotiating it.
Your circadian rhythm was supported.
Your schedule, while busy, was anchored.

Then family life arrived.
And those anchors slowly disappeared.

In modern Mom America, everything is always moving, changing, shifting.
There is no stillness.
No rhythm.
No reliable structure.

So of course your system is struggling.

For many women with ADHD — diagnosed or not — personal anchors are non-negotiable.
And everyone’s anchors are different.

This is why I gently urge women who are being treated for anxiety or depression to look a little deeper.
If ADHD is underneath the anxiety — and it often is — treating only the anxiety is like putting a Band-Aid on a broken bone.
You might get some temporary relief, but the structure is still fractured.

Comprehensive testing can change everything.
So can functional and holistic medicine, which are often excellent at helping women build the internal and external scaffolding they need.

But one of the most powerful tools is something much simpler:

Look back.

Find a season of your life when you were high-functioning — when things felt lighter, steadier, more possible.
Study what your lifestyle looked like then.
How you slept.
How you moved.
How you ate.
How you structured your days.

That life was supporting your nervous system.

Your job now is to rebuild that scaffolding — on purpose — and make it non-negotiable.

Which brings me to the most important part of all:

You have the right to create boundaries around your own flourishing.

You have the right to establish a standard of living — energetically, emotionally, physically — that allows your nervous system to settle and your mind to clear.

That may mean new boundaries with your children.
With your husband.
With the school.
With volunteer work.
With your actual work.

Not because you love them less.
But because when you are regulated, anchored, and supported — everything in your life improves.

White-knuckling is not strength.
It’s your body surviving a structure that no longer fits.

You don’t need to survive your life.
You’re allowed to build one that holds you.

The First Three Steps to Regulating Your Nervous System

You don’t fix everything at once.
You don don’t “optimize your life.”
You start by helping your system feel safe again.

Think of it in three layers: Physical, Mental, Emotional.

Not perfectly.
Just consistently.

Physical: Stabilize the Body First

Your nervous system lives in your body.
So the fastest relief always begins here.

Start with the simplest non-negotiables:

Sleep at roughly the same time every night and wake at roughly the same time every morning.
Move your body every single day — even if it’s only a walk.
Eat real food at real intervals so your blood sugar stops spiking and crashing.
Hydrate.
Get outside in natural light early in the day.

These aren’t “wellness tips.”
They are the foundation of nervous system regulation.

When your body knows what’s coming, your brain begins to exhale.

Mental: Reduce Cognitive Load

An overwhelmed nervous system almost always sits inside an overwhelmed mind.

So your next job is to take weight off your brain.

Write everything down.
Stop trying to hold your entire life in your head.
Create external structure: lists, calendars, reminders, routines.

Then simplify wherever possible.

What can be postponed?
What can be automated?
What can be made easier?

Mental relief is not laziness.
It is medicine for a system that has been carrying too much for too long.

Emotional: Create Space for Release

When emotions have nowhere to go, they lodge in the body.

So give them somewhere safe to move.

Talk things through with someone who can actually hold your experience.
Journal without editing yourself.
Cry when your body asks for it.
Let yourself name what’s hard instead of minimizing it.

You are not “being dramatic.”
You are completing stress cycles that your nervous system has been holding open for years.

And when that energy moves, clarity returns.

Start Simple.

If any part of this feels familiar, let it be comforting — not alarming.

It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
It means your nervous system is finally asking for the kind of support you’ve been giving everyone else for years.

You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through this season.
You don’t have to collapse before you’re allowed to rest.
You’re allowed to build a life that actually holds you.

Start small.
Start with your body.
Give your system a little consistency, a little kindness, a little room to breathe.

That’s how clarity returns.
That’s how energy comes back online.
That’s how you begin to feel like yourself again.

You’re not behind.
You’re just finally listening